If you don’t take time, if you don’t sacrifice time to really know your self-worth, you will hold on to love like everybody else and easily become a victim of sex abuse or domestic abuse or whatever abuse. Most ladies have this perception, “What am I going to get from this marriage/relationship? What can he do for me?”
No! Love is about giving not about receiving. I know giving, and receiving nothing is painful, but if you go into marriage about ‘give me give me’ you going to drain the love your husband has for you all out and there will be nothing left but hate and resentment.
The way you want to be loved and feel loved, that is the same way your man wants to be loved but in a different language.
You got to know the love language of your husband to be able to love on him, not hate (extort) him.
You know extorting your man or being of the mindset, ‘give me give me’ or ‘me me me’, shows how insecure you are in your self-worth. Anybody with much self-worth gives a lot even if he/she receives little. Because, to him or her, it is not about him to me, but it is about me to him, ‘What can I do for him to let him feel loved, to let him know how lovely of a person I am?’ And note, this isn’t slavery but love. The moment you feel that you are in some type of slavery or abuse, stop. Stop loving. Stop working love. Just be quiet till that negative energy of a feeling varnishes.
I can go on and on, but know your self-worth baby. You hear celebrities praising their spouses on air every day from the time they got married, but should they divorce, they now start to describe each other’s act in a bad manner as if they never ever loved each other before. That is sad.
How do I know, and value my self-worth? How do I even discover it?
Have a lone time without anybody around; just you and the walls, with a book and a pen before you. If possible don’t let the phone be around, but it shouldn’t be far away in case you want to make an important call.
And like a meditation, quietly go into your soul like a garbage track and search for the diamonds in you. Search for your strengths; what you are proud of about you, what/ how you can live perfectly without people, how you can make an impact in society.
Discover your talents, dreams, passion and the likes. Discover avenues or channels through which you can learn on your talents and dreams. Imagine how you can live with an ‘asshole’ and love on him regardless. After you have done these, ask God in a whisper to show you your worth then go to bed /just relax silently without thinking about anything. Let God do the thinking for you, and like a spark of light, you will get the illumination. Boom!
Tell him to give you humility without measure, because pride can ruin a lot of good stuff. Keep making God your right hand man in decision making and you would be cool. Even if the ‘asshole’ is becoming unbearable, ask God for strength.
But before the strength, let him, God choose your man for you. But if you have already chosen and it has turned out bad, or not so good, like Jabez in the Bible, tell God to make beauty of your ashes. He is going to hear you to help you.
Not really knowing your self-value makes you hold on to love in anyway even to the detriment of your soul.