Dating is a form of ‘gathering data’ about a person whom you are interested in, or have a mutual attraction for.

As much as this euphoria feeling may seem magical, without the appropriate knowledge and understanding, the feelings would be short lived.

It is possible to have this euphoria feeling for as long as you want, even when the default one ‘expires’.

But how can we be successful at our relationships especially when we didn’t “grow up” with each other, or haven’t stayed with this person for so long?

Every relationship starts with an attraction; attraction for the other person. But things don’t end there: Even though you are attracted to this person, you have to intend and decide to love each other and to get to know/understand each other. In knowing him/her, you may not see everything that there is. But with God’s help and guidance, you see that ‘you two are meant to be’. That is a good idea.

Note, even with our relationship with a perfect God, without knowledge of His will (what He likes and doesn’t like) and what is in store for us as our inheritance, we would perish.

If the lack of knowledge of a perfect God could cause us to perish, how much more the lack of knowledge about an imperfect person?

You may think it would be worse, but know that we all have been commissioned by God to be perfect as He is perfect. So it means that perfection is attainable (if it wasn’t, God wouldn’t have told as to attain it).

This is what I advise you to do; as you have been able to ‘jot’ down some points about your beloved as to how to live with him/her and please or make him/her happy, I would like you to continue this exercise seasonally. Upgrade your ‘list’ of the dos and don’ts, likes and dislikes of each other.

This exercise may seem boring to your hearing, but there is a way to make it fun and not even feel any awkwardness to it.

All you have to do is to create a serene atmosphere where each of you could share his/her dissatisfaction about each other’s action. And when this is done, attach no emotions to it (emotions could be blinding). Just see them as information to process and use.

For example; should you, the man become snobbish towards your wife when she talks about her feelings, or opinion, be okay when she sends you a note telling you something like this;

“Hello babe, do you know that being snobbish could be detrimental to a perfect relationship? I just found that out from a book. I have being experiencing something like that from you lately. I know my happiness is your concern and priority, that is something I love about you, and this is why I am letting you know about your recent behavior towards me. I have not been feeling happy about how you snob me whenever I try to give my opinion about something. Babe, you know that I am human, and as human, I have a will. I may want to do some things which you may not think is necessary at the time, but instead of cutting me off, how about telling me your opinion as a suggestion so I could choose? Don’t be scared or controlling to think that I would refuse you and that you may not have your way. We are one remember, and what affects you affects me too. I wouldn’t intentionally try to let you down. I have your interest at heart. It is just that I would appreciate it more if you would recognize my opinion and not invalidate it. It makes me feel stupid for having that particular thought you may have disliked. I could have ignored this, but you know that suppressed emotions don’t take the emotion, hurt or pain away. It just makes it rotten and causes it to smell worse when it comes out. I Love you babe. You are the apple of my eye.

Much Love, Your wife

13^th August, 2020 @ 4:45pm.”

This note may seem weird, but like a lecture note to a university student, this note is priceless.

First, it takes the emotions out of the situation, and provides the necessary information across. It also prevents the writer from harboring negative thoughts and resentments. It makes the writer feel free and have a feeling of being heard. The reader on the other hand tends to appreciate the mode of communication since the disappointment didn’t turn into a heated argument. It also gives him time to process his thoughts and not rush to let himself out of the ‘bag’. This mode of communication is what I call the ‘on the job’ relationship.

I call it on the job because, not matter how long we date or are married, we would not fully know our spouses. Every day God gives us is an opportunity to know the ‘new you’ in our spouses.

Our spouse may have liked vanilla ice cream when we got married, but maybe after 5 years of marriage, he may be fed up with the vanilla flavour and now may like chocolate ice cream which he once probably ridiculed you for loving it when you two were dating.

This should not be weird to you. It just means your spouse is living, and ‘breathing’. There are some people who are not breathing in their relationships. They are like robots, or puppets being played by their masters (wives or husbands). Such a relationship is toxic. As a person, you have to evolve. If your spouse doesn’t give you room to evolve and make your own choices out of your will, you are dying because the atmosphere of your relationship is psychologically toxic.

What more can a lady ask for when she gets a note like this from her husband or even her boyfriend:

“My loving wife, the apple of my eye, I love you. And because I love you, I need you. And because I need you, I always want you so close such that no bad air can come between us.

Babe, I have notice some bad air that is trying to come between us, and I need your help to get rid of it. I have noticed that you have stopped your morning greetings and kisses. I really loved it, and I am missing it. Also, I have realized that you have stopped going for morning jogging and exercises with me. Is my darling wife trying to kill her sexiness? Babe, I love you, and I want you to always stay beautiful and happy. Would you please start going for exercises with me, or at least tell me why you have stopped so that thy husband may be at peace? I miss my darling wife already, and I would love to have her kisses all over my face right now. Why has my darling wife stopped greeting thy husband and kissing him? Is something eating my beloved up? Please tell me. Please do not lose your sexiness. I am dying to hold you close. And I hope your fire would be on tonight. I can’t wait to have you close in my arms, and in bed with me.

Peace, your prince charming husband, Vincent.

In order to kill any potential tension that is likely to arise from knowing what each other is not really liking about you, you can turn it into a game.

Call it the cheers game, where you two get to know the NOTs you ought to get rid off, so that you can enjoy each other to the fullest, and be able to toast to a having relationship and marriage.

Marriage is really simple when there is understanding.

It is even simpler when there is no selfishness (pure, and unconditional love).

This kind of unconditional love, and a character of understanding is not possible for the human mind to comprehend and emulate. It takes the revelation of the Spirit of God to impact such into your spirit to will and to do. And such revelation cometh when you have dwelled in the secret place of the Most High God (His Word) _ Psalm 91.

You can’t expect to be fed by society and your own mind, and be completely good about your relationship. You would fail!

We may know how to live with our spouse for the next 5 years looking at the ‘data’ we may have gathered. But to be able to know how to live with them for longer years even to “eternity” we ought to emulate the “ON THE JOB” RELATIONSHIP technique.

This doesn’t show that you are weak. Like the workplaces, it only helps you to improve yourself, and to continue to have your name in the good books of the company for any likely promotion that may come, or even for your own good.

Relationships are not hard.  Should we all be genuine and mean what we say, and say only what we mean; no deception, no selfishness, just pure love of Christ, we will enjoy the good of the land (relationships).

#IT IS POSSIBLE.

Amen.