I promised myself not to repeat this mistake. But I did it again. This time even worse. What will people think of me, a Christian doing these things? How can I evangelize to people when I am a slave to this sin? I love God. I know that. My heart beats for him. Even his name is like a turn on for me. Then why am I becoming a slave to this sin? I won’t steal, kill or do anything like that. But this ‘sweet sin’ is weighing me down. Among all the sins in the world, this particular one seem to be the sweetest.

Me: “God, why am I being bound by this sin? Why can’t I break its hold on me? How can I overcome it?”

God: “Forget self. It is carnal. Forget it… for now.”

“If I need to forget it for now, why do I have the urge now? Why can’t you or didn’t you shelve it until it was time for me to use it?”

“I needed you to practice self-control. According to the scriptures in 2 Timothy 1:7, I gave you a Spirit of self-control. Unless you think I didn’t give you that.”

“Self-control? Me? To be honest, I like this ‘sin’. I love it, and would want all of it. But I know it hurts you. Then why don’t you let me get married?”

“Marriage wouldn’t solve it. In fact, if you don’t overcome it now, you would become an addict when you marry. Because in marriage, you would think your spouse ought to give you all of it to fulfill you. Meanwhile, he can’t. And the frustration of this lack will run you mad, making you frustrated at your spouse, and a sex addict.”

“Oh my God, this is hard.”

Laying quietly on my bed, I felt dirty, I felt filthy. I felt like a disgrace. How could I have done this? “The Holy Spirit has left me for sure.” I reasoned. I have broken God’s heart. The pain of guilt after this momentary pleasure was too heavy on me. I picked up a Reinhard Bonnke book to read, Holy Ghost: Are you Flammable or Fireproof? Evangelist Reinhard Bonnke began to teach me something through his book. He asked, did you receive the Holy Spirit when you were perfect or while you were yet a sinner and saw the need for Christ? Did Jesus die for you when you were perfect or while you were yet a sinner? The answers to these questions were obvious. Then he added, your wrongdoings don’t scare God. In fact, it was because of these known weaknesses that the Holy Spirit was given. God says, “My strength is made perfect in your weakness.”  With this fresh insight, I was humble; “Oh God still loves me. My sins haven’t made Him love me any less.” But I couldn’t shake my disappointment off, and that was when the Holy Spirit rebuked for being self-righteous. Thus, I believed so much in myself that I can walk the Christian walk by myself. Hence, nullifying the need and presence of the Holy Spirit. “Oh forgive me Lord.” How easily our minds can cook up stupidity and think we are wise. In my shame, I accepted the Love of God, and that made me whole. I completely fell humbled, and realized on a deeper level the importance of the Holy Spirit in me. He is my friend, and as a friend, he sticks closer like a brother who wouldn’t leave me on the day of my adversity like this.

After this encounter, I realized how wrong I was on my ‘path to purpose’. The very things that I could do needn’t be done by the strength of human wisdom. Even though it is perceived like the Holy Spirit doesn’t have any business with sex, he actually does. He was there before creation. And the creation, Man, was given the mandate to be fruitful and multiply. How? Through sex.

I realized that the Holy Spirit can teach me all things. Not only ‘the things of God’, but everything that pertains to life and godliness.

Sex becomes bad depending on the mindset which drives it. Like self-righteousness, if sex is used for any means other than to glorify God and to please Him (obedience to God’s Word) it becomes evil. God wants us to enjoy. God wants us to have self-control. He doesn’t want anything to control us except his Spirit, the Holy Spirit.

To my amazement, after confessing my sins, and yielding myself to Holy Spirit, he helped me write three (3) erotic pieces without being aroused. Yes! I didn’t get aroused. If you know me, you would know I write really graphic erotic materials. And if I didn’t get aroused writing three (3) of these, the LORD be praised.

I also realized that all the desires and passions (purpose) the Lord has given me, none of them is evil if it is centered on God. They can get corrupted though if they are mixed with SELF, or the doctrines of the devil. But if everything is centered on God, they would be made holy, even sex.

Now, I can design racy dresses and not feel guilty, because the inspiration of it comes from the Holy Spirit. This desire or passion to design racy dresses came to me as an inspiration just like my blogs: I don’t force to create anything. When I am in the spirit with the Lord, I get motivated to create things, be it movies, fashion design, or writing erotic pieces, or blogging.

I thank God for his mercy, and I am grateful to God for letting me have a taste of His unfailing love for me while I was in sin. I am out of sin now, and have been set free by the Grace of God.

 If all mankind could walk in this kind of love, the Love of Christ, the world will be a better place. Yes, walking with the Love of Christ can be very hard, but with the Spirit of the Lord empowering us daily we can do it. We can love even our enemies [Matthew 5:44].

THE LORD BE PRAISED EVERMORE.

Amen.

#You were loved even while you were yet a sinner. So your current sin, or grievous past sin doesn’t scare God nor empty His love for you. He Still Loves You!

#The reason why you have to obey God’s commands is because you love Him [John 14:15 AMPC]. Also, it if for the world or unbelievers to read Christ in you (we are Living Epistles).

#The Holy Spirit was sent to you, a sinner after you became born again, to help you walk the Holy walk of Christ [John 14:16-17 AMPC]. You can’t do everything on your own, even if what you do has become a habit of yours. You still need the Holy Spirit, because a path may seem right unto man, but the end is destruction.

#GOD LOVES YOU [John 3:16].

#JESUS CARES ABOUT YOU [John 10:11]

#THE HOLY SPIRIT IS THERE FOR YOU…FOREVER… [John 14:17AMPC]

Amen.