“Don’t be too close with them, else they wouldn’t respect you.” This statement seems like harmless advice right? But no, this statement is a bait, and underneath this bait is a sharp hook.

This is a tactic the narcissist uses to isolate you from people who mean a lot to you, or who can have positive impact on your life.

Ask yourself, before the narcissist came, or before the narcissist was showing you ‘affection’, were these people disrespecting you in any way? If you think deeply about it, these people or friends of yours were your happy cave; they were people who make you happy when you sit among them.

Now, just when the narcissist came around, and “hooked” you, he said you should isolate yourself from these very same people who are your happy cave. Why? The narcissist is scared of competition, and he is scared of someone seeing through his lies and telling you.

He knows that once he gets you hooked, you are going to put him on a pedestal where in your eyes, he can never do anything wrong. But should these friends of yours still be around you, they are probably going to see through his lies, and reveal facts about him to you, which will likely cause him to lose his high position in your eyes. So, what does he do? He lets you cut them off. He puts the machete in your hands to cut them off.

This way, in times of accountability, he will say that he didn’t force you to stay away from your friends, rather, it is you who left your friends.

You may argue, “But you told me to stay away from them else they wouldn’t respect me.” To that he will respond, “But I didn’t force you to leave them. If you had said no, I probably would have let you still be friends with them. After all, weren’t you friends with them before I met you? So, if you left them, you might have wanted to leave them anyways, so my words just came to validate your plans. If you thought what I said was bad, why didn’t you correct me? Why did you still do it? You doing it means that there was some truth in what I said.”

Bizarre right? Of course. But the narcissist doesn’t see it that way. He sees control without accountability.

Should the narcissist succeed in isolating you from your support group, this is what will happen: You will become emotionally, and mentally dependent on him. He will become your source of happiness, laughter, playfulness, decision making, and the likes. He will play along very well in the beginning to help you think and justify that it was a right thing you did separating yourself from your friends.

After some time when he sees that he has got you hooked and addicted to him, this is when he will start his control tactic. He will begin to withdraw or withhold from you the very attention he was showering on you.

He will withhold from you the very things he got you hooked on, so that he can use those things to control you.

Evil huh?

You, will begin to crave those things, his attention, his laughter, his hugs, and all those sweet things he did before. And now, to get his attention, it will come with conditions; if you want it, you have to do this for me, if you want it, then you have to be this way. Etc.

Painful right?

Mind you, altering yourself or doing his bidding doesn’t guarantee that he will give you the attention you are seeking from him. No! Seeing you alter yourself proves to him that he has got you hooked. It proves to him that his schemes have worked.

Evil!

When the narcissist successfully isolates you from your peers, friends and support, and now gets you to drink from his fountain ONLY, he will act good, and lovey-dovey for a while so that you will begin to forget how you used to be happy on your own, or how you used to have fun with your friends.

Narcissist isolation is a mind-control thing.

He uses it to erase any good old memory you had before him, so that he can fill your mind with the things he wants you to do. Thus, he is molding you to become what he wants you to be FOR him.

With time, you will begin to lose yourself, lose your identity, lose your way back home. You will become lost. And instead of trying the hard way to find home again, you will give up and stay with his conditional love, because you will feel that it is easier to stay.

This is painful! This is torture!

Note: When you begin to sense some form of isolation from your better half, know that you are better off with his half. RUN!

Don’t linger around to be nosy. You will lose your nose at the end, and you will not be able to smell anything fishy again.

Isolation is the first step to control. If he is able to isolate you, he will be able to control you.

Other forms of isolation happen through relocation. This is when the man moves far away from your family to a place where you are not familiar with or don’t know anybody there. This is an easy isolation tactic for him. Because, since you don’t know anybody there yet, he will become your source of everything. In this condition, he can control you easily, and society wouldn’t even see it. If they see, they will make excuses for him like, “It’s his job which took him there. He may not have wanted to move in the first place; you don’t know anybody there. It’s your husband alone whom you can trust. If you sleep on the same bed with him, why can’t you trust him? Etc.”

This is control.

Some isolation tactic is being moved to a place where the people there speak a different language which your husband knows, but you don’t. This is deadly!

In a nutshell, know that ISOLATION is a mind-control tactic. It is used to erase your joyful past, so that you can be programmed with a new mindset which fits the narcissist’s plan.

Where there is isolation, CONTROL will follow.

            Where there is control, ABUSE is inevitable.

                        And when there is abuse, know that YOUR SENSE OF SELF is being altered.

Scripture says that Love your neighbor AS yourself, not MORE than yourself, or AGAINST yourself. Give to your neighbor, some of what you have already given in full to yourself. Don’t give the children’s bread to pigs.

Scripture says, “DO NOT give dogs what is sacred; DO NOT throw your pearls to pigs. IF YOU DO, they may trample them under their feet and TURN AND TEAR YOU TO PIECES.” Matthew 7:6NIV. This is the Word of God.

Love is not Blind. God is Love, and He is not Blind.

The only thing which is related to blindness is IGNORANCE (Lack of Knowledge). And where there is a lack of knowledge, there is death (perish).

So, if your love is blind, or if you say love is blind, then that love is full of ignorance. Get knowledge, and you will see well.

Your Remedy / Shield of Defense:

• Go back to doing those things which you loved to do; writing, painting, speaking, and the likes.
• Go back to the people who loved you unconditionally, friends, family, peers, the church, etc.
• Affirm your self-worth. If God was intentional about you, and created you, then you are worthy.
• Renounce any negative word that has been spoken over you. You are what God says you are. You are what true love says you are. You are not what conditional love, the narcissist says you are.
• Love love! And Hate Hate!
• Be narcissistic to the narcissist. Let them drink their own poison. Don’t drink it for them. It is not love. It is death. Don’t drink someone’s poison and say you are doing that because you love them. You will die, and they will get another person.            
• If the person is a pig, don’t throw your pearls to him. If he is a dog, don’t give him your sacred things.

PEACE… Shalom!