I had an interesting morning today. I had bought a new phone and wanted to have all of my old Whatsapp chats on my new phone. Unknowingly to me, I skipped some steps and this simple process of backup and restore seem to be like a mountain for me. I was getting frustrated. This was my first time ever going this deep into negative emotions. Think of any negative emotions that will come to your mind; it started as frustration, I could feel my stomach becoming uneasy, I was feeling hot even though I was sitting by the driver at the moment. Nothing interested me anymore. All my focus was on getting this technology mishap sorted. Girl, I was drowning in hell. I can only imagine was manageress or even managers of big firms go through. I didn’t want anybody to get into my space at the moment. I was drowning and seemed helpless. Nothing I knew at the time could help me, I was listening to music, but I didn’t feel the need for it. I was feeling hot, and restless. This problem was making me feel so stupid, when I know that I am not stupid. All the thoughts that were running through my mind was concern about others; “Is this what managers go through every day? Is this why people take cocaine?” This is hard. “Is this what people motivate us to become; put ourselves in this stress cooker for work?”  I began to feel sorry for those people who feel on a regular what I was feeling currently.

I wanted something, I was looking for something just to get out of this rabbit hole. I am not a rabbit! I changed the song I was listening to, it didn’t help. In fact it felt like pouring water into water; no feeling, nothing. That was when I thought, “Gospel songs shouldn’t be all about mentioning the name of Jesus or quoting scriptures. It should be so Holy Spirit inspired because you don’t know when your music may be needed or played by someone in need, and that may be the last chance for them. Thus, if they play your song and nothing good happens to them or nothing saves them, they are going to take the decision they made; be it suicide, or go on with some social vices.”

After struggling to no avail, I decided to sit with the emotions. “What can’t kill you only makes you stronger right?” So I decided to sit with the emotion (frustration, tension, stress, anxiety, etc) and see what will happen next; worse or better? That was when I realized why people choose cocaine. This feeling is so unpleasant, yet it doesn’t go as fast as it came. It leaves with a struggle, with labour. And if you are somebody who is always on the road or busy, or who needs to be in a particular image all the time without breaks, you will definitely choose a quick fix; which will probably be cocaine. Don’t judge!

While this turmoil was happening, I was in a bus going to work. So I alighted at the junction to my workplace and decided to walk instead of take a taxi to work. I chose to walk because I needed more time to digest this feeling until it became something I could handle or vanishes completely; because I was going to work, and was going to deal with people. A thought came to mind, “Why don’t you download that secular song you deleted the other time?” This seemed like a good idea, but I had promised myself after deleting it the other time that I wasn’t going to listen to any secular song again. The secular song idea may seem cool, but it was asking for my integrity. I wasn’t going to give it. It was then I got a better idea of a song. It is as if after the devil tempts you, then the angels appear to minister unto you. Well, the angels did minister onto me, and I started playing Kirk’s Franklin’s song, Revolution instead. I love the song, the beat, everything about it. I pressed play, increased the volume to the maximum, and then my happiness train began. I sashayed with the song on my way to work, I was all smiling, and I loved it. Meanwhile, I was vulnerable too; a little irritation at that time could have sent me back to frustration and it’s chain effect. I enjoyed the Now; playing the song high, on repeat, and then the whole Kirk Franklin playlist on my phone, all the while sashaying. I realized that modeling makes me happy, good music with a good sound makes me happy, and above all, writing ideas makes me happy.

In the midst of this darkness or fog of emotions, I was able to realize those things which really made me happy. Taking drinks could have calmed me down, eating a good meal with lots of chicken would have made me smiled, yet the problem probably would have still lingered. That was when I realized that as humans, everything we need for survival is in us. This may seem like a cliché, but it is the truth. Animals in the jungles have all that it takes to be and survive in the jungle. Should we put you, as a human there, you may lack some necessary things. Why? Because you were not made for the jungles. So, with this ill emotions I had, I was able to find the root of my happiness in me, nourished it and ate the fruits thereof. Instead of just solving the problem at hand, I made a discovery into my happiness treasury, and I am so thankful. Thus, anytime I am sad, I know what to do, or which fruit from my “happiness tree” I need to eat at the time. Not cocaine. Because even though cocaine may seem like a quick fix, it comes with a dreadful penalty which you will later have to deal with also. We all know shortcuts are dangerous. Happiness is cheap like air. Don’t pay for it with cocaine.

Now the time is 11:52am and I am back to normal. I am back to myself writing this message to you all. The frustration I felts earlier around 8am isn’t holding me anymore. I am sane, I am happy, and I am myself.

THIS IS POSSIBLE GUYS. YOU CAN DO IT TOO! IT WORKS!

Just as you say that there is always darkness before light, or there is always night before day, I tell you, those nights of pain, those weight of emotions which seem like they would kill you in any moment, WOULD NOT. They won’t kill you. In fact, nothing can kill you unless you kill yourself. Emotions can’t kill you, even heart breaks can’t kill you. People have survived heart breaks and they are their happiest selves right now. Pain exists everywhere like the wind, so don’t think that you are the only one going through what you are going through at the moment. You can survive this, and it will even make you happier. You would come out of the end and feel proud about yourself that you survived; you survived the fire, you survive the storms, you survive the rain. And what does this feat make you? A CONQUEROR.You are a conqueror. Great sea captains are made in rough seas and deep waters. Don’t fear the turmoil. It is for your greater good. If God says that he won’t allow any temptation that is above you to befall you, did you think he was lying? He wasn’t. He is always at the door knocking. If only you will hear him as he is speaking with you (and not choose what your mind thinks, or what you think should happen or you should do) you will overcome every temptations.

I am so happy that I overcame today. I am so happy that I experienced this ill emotion, the dark cloud of ill emotions, now I know which job not to do: Any job which is a stress or pressure cooker is not in my interest. Because even though it may give me huge incomes, it will be killing me (my health) slowly, and will shorten my life span. I won’t do it. Also, this experience has given me so much respect for those trailblazers: they are doing, and enduring the most. If with all these pressure and stresses, they are surviving, then I salute them all. Lastly, I have come to confirm that what is actually important in this life is only 3 things; a good lover, doing what you love, be it a job, purpose or a passion, and the last is, love Jesus Christ, and have a good relationship with God through him. This is the definition of life; the Good Life.

I think on top of all that I have said, a great sex from a good lover would be a sweet icing on a cake too. It would provide a good sexual healing…lol

TAKE CARE

#Cocaine or drugs isn’t the answer.

#Sit with the ill emotions and fight through. Because you are more than a conqueror.  I LOVE YOU.